TRANSFORM YOUR EMUNAH!

388 - You're In the Spotlight

On the one hand, the Torah teaches that we are supposed to love our friend just as much as we love ourselves. This mitzvah teaches us the importance of caring for other people, how we are to go out our way to make our maximum effort to helping out another individual, sometimes in the form of charity, sometimes in the form of putting a smile on our friend's face, or whatever else may be relevant. And on the other hand, the Gemara says that every individual is obligated to believe that bishvili nivra haolam, the entire world was created just for me, it's all about me.
So which is it? Am I supposed to be looking out always about the people around me, or am I supposed to be focused on myself? And the answer is that no question, I am supposed to be focused on myself. Life is about me. The mitzvah to love another individual is actually about me, because it's my mitzvah relevant to all the people that have to do with me. I have a mitzvah to be kind to them, to love them as much as I love myself. But ultimately, it's all got to do with the starting point, about me. 
One might ask, how can the entire world be created just for me? If I'm supposed to say that, and you're also supposed to say that, was it just for me, or just for you? In our limited mind, we can ask that question, but in Hashem's unlimited ways, He is able to create a world that was created just for me, and also just for you. Exclusively just for me, and exclusively just for you. Again, whether we understand or we don't, which in this case, we can't really understand, doesn't matter, because if this is what the Torah teaches us should be our mode of thought, then the perspective of Emunah teaches us to follow that thought process, whether we understand or not.
So Hashem created the world just for me. That means to say that everything in the world is an opportunity just for me, and everything in the world is also my responsibility. If I have the chance to make a difference in whatever area may be relevant, I am obligated to fill my responsibility and role in that situation. If I have a chance to daven for somebody in need, remember, the whole world was created just for me, meaning to say I am responsible for this situation.
Many times throughout our ventures, our minds and our eyes look around to see what is relevant and happening in other people's lives. And of course the result of that many times is negative, because that can lead to feelings of jealousy, viewing inappropriate things, and even if not an outright sin, just removing the spotlight from one's own life, inquisitively, being interested in another's life - is a waste of time.
Again, if I have something of value to offer them, or perhaps something to learn from them, then that certainly is something relevant. But if I'm just looking because I'm interested in seeing other people's lives, not necessarily to learn nor to help, then we need to remind ourselves of this approach of bishvili nivra haolam, the whole entire world was created just for me. That is the mindset Hashem wants us to have.
I came across a recording that illustrates this point. A father came home to his children and said, "I finally saw it." And they said, "what did you finally see?" And he says, "I was at the stop street and I finally saw the giraffe standing in the middle of the road waving at me." And the kids are in disbelief. And thereafter, he explained, "of course, I didn't see such a sight. What I was trying to explain to you is that throughout our lives, many times we're looking to the sides, almost waiting to see when that unexpected, incredible event is going to happen. But really, that incredible event is not on the sides. It's you, because we are obligated to believe bishvili nivra haolam.

387 - Build Your Bitachon!

We are taught that whilst the Jewish people were in the desert, they received their sustenance in the form of mann, which was food which fell from the heaven, which tasted like anything one wished for it to taste like. 
Commentaries explain that although the man fell from the heavens, not everybody received it in the same way. Those people that were completely righteous and had full faith in Hashem would wake up in the morning and open their front door and there they would have all the mann necessary for their sustenance for that day. Others who were not as righteous and their faith in Hashem was not as strong, they would open their front door and there would be no mann there. They would have to go to the entrance of the courtyard and only there they would find their sustenance, and yet others who were even less righteous would have to go down a few streets in order to find their man. And the least righteous of all, even though they also received their sustenance, but they would sometimes have to walk miles in order to find their sustenance.
The bottom line about bitachon is that bitachon works. The more one believes and relies on Hashem, the more Hashem comes through for that individual. And just like by the Jewish people in the desert where there were many levels where for some people the mann would fall right at their doorstep and others all the way at fields far off, and the many levels in between, so too, with regards to all of us, we have all these levels of bitachon available to us.
To truly rely on Hashem means, "I don't have a backup plan. The only one I rely on is Hashem." So I need sustenance, I need money; certainly the first thing I do is I go speak to Hashem with absolute sincerity for a significant amount of time, and thereafter I feel completely calm because I know that Hashem will definitely provide me with everything I need. This is obviously a very high level. And on the opposite extreme would be one who needs sustenance and completely forgets about Hashem, doesn't reach out to Hashem to ask for help to provide their sustenance, but rather makes their own plans in order to provide for their sustenance. And whilst these are the two extremes, there are many levels in between. The more bitachon we have, the more Hashem comes through for us. And as discussed many times, emunah and bitachon are our life's work, and any small step that we take is super valuable. There are countless levels in how much bitachon we can aspire to live by. 
It is highly recommended to have a daily learning session about bitachon, and thereby grow in the many concepts that it has to offer us. There are many books available in English that are very well written and easy to understand at all levels. One example is the Chovos HaLevavos by Artscroll, where the newest edition has been written with a translation that is very easy to understand. Another fantastic and shorter book by Artscroll is called the Beis HaLevi on Bitachon and is very worthwhile. And there are many others. We are so privileged to have so many of these Torah sources available to every one of us.
The more bitachon we have, the more Hashem will come through for us. May Hashem bless every single one of us to make our maximum efforts in striving to grow in our bitachon. "Hashem, please help me to make my maximum effort in finding the right books that can inspire me to live with the highest bitachon possible, to sincerely rely on You, and feel completely calm that You will come through for me. Thank you Hashem for the gift of bitachon."

386 - Could You Do That?

Everybody who is alive needs sustenance. And although for many people, receiving one's sustenance might be a constant struggle throughout life, nevertheless, one way or another, people do recive their sustenance, some through easier means and some through more difficult means. The gemara states that the miracle of recieving one's sutenance, is on par to the miracle of the splitting of the sea. For most of us, if we were to actually witness the sea itself splitting in a dramatic way, and as the Midrashim point out, all the waters of the world, even the water that I might be drinking in my cup, would split, many of us would be extremely shaken from such a crazy event that has taken place. Yet, we are taught that on par with that miracle, is the miracle that each one of us receives the sustenance that we need. 
And in the same way, if one pays attention at the birth of a child, one will quickly realize that this is one of the greatest miracles in the world. All the tremendous complications of how the body of the child functions in its mother's stomach, in order for it to come out safely and healthily, biologically, so many things have to happen. 
In the daily prayers, in the paragraph of Modim, we thank Hashem, "al nisecha shebechol yom imanu" - "for Your miracles that we experience every day." The holy sages who composed this prayer, the Anshei Knesses Hagedolah, composed it with divine inspiration, and they certainly did not mean these words as some form of exaggeration. Every single day, every single one of us experiences miracles. Our job is to make an effort to notice the miracles in our lives. There's no question that they are there. Just because Hashem has blessed us to experience the same miracle day after day, a miracle no less than the splitting of the sea, this should not give us a license to ignore the incredible miracle of receiving our sustenance every day. Were Hashem to send us our salvation in the form of actually splitting the sea, we would certainly be so grateful for a long time, with sincerity.
Part of our work in our journey of emunah - to believe, is to internalize that the gift of having food to eat today, is the same extent of a miracle as if Hashem would have split the sea for us. And in the same way, as the Anshei Knesses Haggadolah - the holy sages, through divine inspiration are teaching us, we are constantly surrounded by Hashem's miracles. But again, our job in this world is to have to try and work hard to find the truth which does not easily meet the eye. When we look around, it might just look like a regular day, but when we stop and sincerely think about it, we will find those miracles. 
"Thank You, Hashem, for all the incredible miracles that You provide for me every single day. If I was struggling to breathe, and suddenly some medication were to be discovered that would allow me to breathe easily, I would be so grateful for such a situation. But Hashem, in Your great kindness, You have given me the gift to be able to breathe without complications. All the things in my body that biologically need to function in a perfect way in order to provide me with a system that can give me the ability to breathe, and all the other many things that You do for me in so many ways every single day. Thank You, Hashem, for all of the miracles that You have gifted me with in my life."

385 - Finding Miracles

Everybody who is alive needs sustenance. And although for many people, receiving one's sustenance might be a constant struggle throughout life, nevertheless, one way or another, people do recive their sustenance, some through easier means and some through more difficult means. The gemara states that the miracle of recieving one's sutenance, is on par to the miracle of the splitting of the sea. For most of us, if we were to actually witness the sea itself splitting in a dramatic way, and as the Midrashim point out, all the waters of the world, even the water that I might be drinking in my cup, would split, many of us would be extremely shaken from such a crazy event that has taken place. Yet, we are taught that on par with that miracle, is the miracle that each one of us receives the sustenance that we need. 
And in the same way, if one pays attention at the birth of a child, one will quickly realize that this is one of the greatest miracles in the world. All the tremendous complications of how the body of the child functions in its mother's stomach, in order for it to come out safely and healthily, biologically, so many things have to happen. 
In the daily prayers, in the paragraph of Modim, we thank Hashem, "al nisecha shebechol yom imanu" - "for Your miracles that we experience every day." The holy sages who composed this prayer, the Anshei Knesses Hagedolah, composed it with divine inspiration, and they certainly did not mean these words as some form of exaggeration. Every single day, every single one of us experiences miracles. Our job is to make an effort to notice the miracles in our lives. There's no question that they are there. Just because Hashem has blessed us to experience the same miracle day after day, a miracle no less than the splitting of the sea, this should not give us a license to ignore the incredible miracle of receiving our sustenance every day. Were Hashem to send us our salvation in the form of actually splitting the sea, we would certainly be so grateful for a long time, with sincerity.
Part of our work in our journey of emunah - to believe, is to internalize that the gift of having food to eat today, is the same extent of a miracle as if Hashem would have split the sea for us. And in the same way, as the Anshei Knesses Haggadolah - the holy sages, through divine inspiration are teaching us, we are constantly surrounded by Hashem's miracles. But again, our job in this world is to have to try and work hard to find the truth which does not easily meet the eye. When we look around, it might just look like a regular day, but when we stop and sincerely think about it, we will find those miracles. 
"Thank You, Hashem, for all the incredible miracles that You provide for me every single day. If I was struggling to breathe, and suddenly some medication were to be discovered that would allow me to breathe easily, I would be so grateful for such a situation. But Hashem, in Your great kindness, You have given me the gift to be able to breathe without complications. All the things in my body that biologically need to function in a perfect way in order to provide me with a system that can give me the ability to breathe, and all the other many things that You do for me in so many ways every single day. Thank You, Hashem, for all of the miracles that You have gifted me with in my life."

384 - Personal Servant?

One who doesn't believe in HaShem, God forbid, would of course not reach out to HaShem about anything. One who is privileged to be able to know the truth and believe in HaShem and know that He can help me and I have the opportunity to talk to Him about anything and everything, which would be a greater effort than doing anything else, much of the time does go ahead and talk to HaShem about my needs. 
Sometimes however, even with Emunah, we view HaShem as a vending machine, meaning just like if I go to the machine and I would like a Coke, I give it instructions and I expect the Coke bottle to come out of the vending machine. Sometimes our approach towards HaShem is, "I know you are there and that you can help me and therefore I am talking to you and expect you to give me what I need or want." Although one is talking to HaShem, which is certainly a commendable act, nevertheless, this is certainly a mistaken approach to see HaShem as our servant or vending machine, serving us in the way we would like. 
We need to internalize the verse from Divrei Hayamim that we've been discussing, which teaches us the true perspective, that HaShem does not owe us anything. In fact, everything in the world that HaShem gives us is not due to us. We don't deserve it, but rather HaShem decided to give it to us as a gift. When one is led to believe that the blessings HaShem sends them are just some form of payment or duty like a servant would do for his master, as opposed to the correct approach where one understands that HaShem owes me absolutely nothing and everything is a gift, depending on which approach one is living with will make a big difference in how one goes about many areas of their life.
Let's say I have a certain amount of money, and yes, I do believe in HaShem and His mitzvahs, and therefore if He commanded me that it's a mitzvah to give charity, my belief is strong enough to know to go ahead and make my maximum endeavor to give charity. However, how much tzedakah I will choose to give will depend on which perspective one is living with. If I believe that the money is really mine, and any money I am giving towards charity is my gift towards HaShem, then whatever I give, even if it's a minimal amount, not on par with the financial situation that HaShem has blessed me with, but a lower amount of charity than He would have expected me to give, if I believe that the money that I have does come from HaShem, because my emunah teaches me that, but at the same time I kind of feel like He owes me that money, then my approach might be to give a minimal amount of money to tzedakah, to charity, not congruent with my financial situation that HaShem has blessed me, and within the expectation of what He would expect me to give. Because any amount that I give, even a minimal, small amount, I feel like I've done a favor for HaShem from the start, because this is my money, and I'm doing something for Him. 
Whereas if I have the correct perspective, and I realize that every single cent in my bank account is a gift from HaShem, nothing that He owes me, so now I actually owe Him all the money back, because it's a gift that He gave me, so when I am trying to decide how much money to part with, to give away to charity, if my perspective is that this is a gift from HaShem, I certainly will be motivated to try my best to fulfill HaShem's mitzvah in the best way possible, within my maximum capacity, and give the best amount that I can, because ideally I should actually give everything back, at least I should give back my maximum that I can. 
And similarly, when I do give charity, one who's living with the wrong perspective might feel anxious about having given one's own money away, whereas with the correct perspective, one will actually feel better by having given money to charity, because one always feels indebted to someone who has given you a gift, and if we internalize that this is HaShem's gift to us, so anything we are actually giving back will make us feel happy, fulfilled, and good that we are doing our best to give back to HaShem.

383 - Endless Appreciation

When making a commitment to Hashem of how much time we are planning to commit to be our sacred time, just you and me Hashem, it is motivating to internalize what the verse states in Divrei Hayamim. The verse states, "For everything is from you, Hashem, and from your hand we have given back to you." Hashem created the world and Hashem created us. Every single moment of the 24 hours of the day is a gift Hashem has given to us. Hashem does not owe us anything. 
Unfortunately sometimes we fall into a mistaken thought process, thinking as if Hashem owes us the things that we might be lacking. So when things are going well, I have food on the table, I have the money I need, and the like, I might be happy. But if I don't have food today for whatever reason, or I am struggling financially, a mistaken perspective would be to start getting upset with Hashem, saying, "Hashem, why didn't you give me the money that I need? Can you not see how my family is struggling so much now?" Part of where such a response comes from is because one might feel - Hashem owes me; He gave me food yesterday; He gave me money yesterday, why is He suddenly taking it away? And the truth of the matter is that Hashem owes us nothing. Hashem created us, and that itself is a gift, because if He didn't choose to create us, we wouldn't exist. So anything and everything that we receive is actually a gift from Hashem, not something that He owes us. 
And if we take this perspective to heart, we will be able to internalize what this verse in Divrei Hayamim means. "Because everything is from you, Hashem, and from your hand we have given back to you." Anything we do throughout our day, throughout our lives, success in our endeavors, and even spiritual success and achievements in endeavors towards serving Hashem, all of our successes and achievements is actually just giving back to Him from the gift that He gave us in the first place. So with this perspective in mind, today Hashem has gifted me with 24 hours. He does not owe me one hour, one minute, nor one second. It is all a gift. Each moment is a gift. So of those 24 hours that Hashem has given me as a free gift, how much makes sense for me to give back to Him in striving to build our personal relationship? Of course we are human beings and limited, and nobody can commit to 24 hours on a daily basis of personal conversation and connection with Hashem. Nevertheless, we ought to think about the 24 hours that Hashem is giving us when striving to make a commitment of how much we are going to try to talk to Hashem on a daily basis for. If I am committing to one minute a day, for many people that would certainly not be respecting Hashem in the right manner.
Imagine for a moment a father gives a child a gift of $1 million, and when the time comes for the child to reciprocate and give some sort of gift to the father, the child is stingy and is only prepared to use $1 or $2 to reciprocate. That would obviously be grossly ungrateful. And in the same way, when we internalize that the 24 hours of the day are a complete gift from Hashem in the first place, then for many, committing to a small amount of time might be comparable to that child giving $1 or $2 back.
"Hashem, my Father, even though I want to believe that everything You give me is an absolute outright gift, and anything I give back to You is never going to be on par with what You gave to me, nevertheless, Hashem, as usual, emunah is difficult and I have to grow in my belief, because I don't see this, I don't see You. Please help me to internalize that You don't owe me anything, and everything I have in my life is an absolute free gift from You. And therefore, help me, Hashem, to commit to giving You back, whatever I am able to, to my maximum capacity."

382 - Safe Space

We've been discussing how when it comes to talking to Hashem, a basic practical application of emunah, although we might understand logically how it is so obvious and vital for us to talk to Hashem, because if we believe in Him, obviously we should have a personal relationship with Him, and although we might have also had the opportunity to learn what many Torah passages write about how vital and important it is for us to talk to Hashem and build that personal relationship, nevertheless, one of the main deterrents for many people is not because I don't believe Hashem is there, but rather because it is actually very difficult to talk to something I can't see and can't hear, and although in theory I do believe He is there, my belief might not necessarily take me to a place that my experience is as if Hashem is there, and therefore it is difficult for me to talk with sincerity, motivation, and for long periods. 
It is a worthwhile thing to do, to make a daily commitment of a certain amount of time that one feels reasonable to having undisturbed time, just Hashem and me together. The reason for this is because when we are motivated, then we might naturally talk to Hashem with sincerity and for longer periods, but we as human beings sometimes go through long periods where we feel unmotivated, and if we do not have a commitment of quality time to be alone with Hashem, when we are not feeling that motivation, we could G-d forbid miss out on the tremendous opportunity to have a constant personal and close relationship with Hashem. Hashem understands that we are human beings and does not expect us to constantly feel motivated, but He also does expect from us to play our part of what we can do, and many people do have the capacity to make commitments in many areas, and one of those certainly could be to make a commitment to talk to Hashem. 
For some people it might work to have a set time and place every day where they are undisturbed for a certain amount of time alone with Hashem. For others it might work differently, perhaps different times and different places on a daily basis. What is important to point out is that as a starting point, we need to stop and think about what we know. We've learnt Hashem's perspective - we were created ultimately in order to enjoy the next world, and the way to do so is ultimately by growing in our emunah in this world, and a most basic fundamental of practicing emunah is talking to Hashem. And besides for that, the truth of the matter is that the real conduit to success in whatever endeavor we might be dealing with, with more chance of success than anything else, is to go to the source of all, the Creator of the world, who is constantly involved with regards to every single detail that transpires to every single being, every single moment. 
And therefore when choosing to make a commitment, we ought to stop and be sincere with ourselves. Do I sincerely believe that to give Hashem back 5 minutes of my day in personal conversation is sufficient? 20 minutes? 30 minutes? 2 hours? The answer to these questions will obviously vary from individual to individual. If I were to meet an important individual, or perhaps have a first meeting with my potentially future spouse, would I take a phone call during such a session, or would I turn my phone off to make sure I am undisturbed? And when it comes to our commitment to talking to Hashem, we ought to stop and think about what we are committing to. It would make sense for the most part, wherever we are able to, to respect the time that we are committing to, with highest priority. 
"Hashem, Creator of the world, please can you help me to be able to commit the maximum amount of time I am able to in personal prayer to you on a daily basis. Please help me to treat this time so respectfully, to make every effort to be undisturbed and talk to you with absolute sincerity. But after all is said and done, Hashem, even if I am not feeling that motivation, I want to have a commitment that always saves me a space to be together, just you and me."

381 - The Real World

We've been discussing how one of the highest forms of expressing our emunah, belief in HaShem, in a practical way, is to talk to HaShem in our own personal words. And at the same time, how do we deal with the reality that it can be difficult to talk to HaShem, because HaShem is not seen nor heard. And ultimately it comes down to growing more in our emunah, because the more we believe He is there, the more real and obvious it will become to us to take our talking to Him seriously. 
On the other hand, the more we talk to HaShem, the more we are able to grow in our emunah, because again, the solution to all problems is reaching out to the source of all, to our Creator. So on the one hand, if we believe more, we will talk more, because we know He is there, and we know He is the only one who can help us. And it's actually absurd to explore other avenues over and above our Creator. But to sincerely internalize this belief is our life's work, and has countless levels. And at the same time, the solution to all problems, always, is to ask HaShem for help. And in this particular area, the problem might be, "I would like to ideally believe more, that HaShem is listening, and sincerely feel the emunah more. However, I don't." So how do I deal with this problem? As mentioned many times, there might be other things we can also do. We can certainly seek inspiration, and perhaps other things that might help us grow in our emunah. But ultimately, over and above everything else, the solution to all problems is to go to the Creator Himself and ask Him to help me in this challenge. 
"HaShem, my Father, thank you so much for guiding me towards living a life where I am trying my best to follow the path of emunah. It is such a gift to be able to explore your true perspective, what the Torah teaches us about how to live a true life, and not a life of an imaginary, fake world. This is the real world, the world of emunah. I am trying so hard to grow in my emunah, be it by seeking inspiration, by learning books about emunah, or whatever else. And of course, this being my life's work, HaShem, it is sometimes difficult. I might sometimes have good days in my emunah, and sometimes I drop. And that's okay, because you made me a human being, and you don't expect me to be more than my maximum capacity. And I've also learned about the importance of speaking to you. And in fact, it is so obvious that if you are there, you would want me to have a personal relationship with you, and what an opportunity I have to be able to have a personal relationship with you. Nevertheless, when my emunah is strong, HaShem, then I am able to reach out to you and talk with sincerity, and perhaps even for longer periods, without difficulty, because I actually know that you're listening to me. But when my emunah is feeling shaky, the truth is that it's so difficult to talk to you, HaShem, because I'm struggling to believe that you're there listening to me, even if in theory I know it, I don't really feel it and it's difficult to do something you only know in theory, with passion, meaning, and for a long time. And therefore, I'm asking you, HaShem, help me, please, to grow more in my emunah, to believe that you are listening to me. And perhaps in return, what I could do for you is make a commitment, because although I might not feel the constant inspiration to want to talk to you with dedication and motivation and for long periods, something I can do is to make a commitment of a certain amount of time that I will talk to you every single day, regardless of how I feel. Because I know that if you see me making a commitment from my side, even when I'm feeling uninspired, you from your side could in turn build my emunah and help me to be motivated to what the basic and simple truth is. Thank you, HaShem, for teaching me that you are listening to me and for the gift to talk to you about anything and everything, whenever and wherever I choose to."

380 - Walking the Walk

We've discussed many times that the Torah commentaries write, that the ultimate way for us to gain our place in the next world is by making our maximum effort to grow in our emunah. We've also mentioned how one of the highest expressions of emunah, belief in Hashem, is to place high focus in our dedication to talking to Hashem in our own words. We've mentioned previously how the Chofetz Chaim writes that the reason tragedies were befalling the people of his time was because although people were accustomed to praying the three prescribed prayers, Shacharis, Mincha and Maariv, nevertheless he was calling on people to also talk to Hashem in their own words multiple times a day, because, as he says, the prescribed prayers are said daily and therefore for many people sometimes become monotonous and lack the real meaning and intention of what a prayer should look like. We've also mentioned what the Sefer Chareidim and the Shelah Hakadosh write, that the effect of this deep connection in the form of secluding oneself away from other people and communing with Hashem alone, talking to Hashem in one's personal words, the effect that this has on one's soul is seven times greater than the effect that Torah study has on one's soul. Anyone who is somewhat familiar with Torah literature will have read many passages about the great value of Torah study. The one that we recite every morning that many are familiar with is that Talmud Torah, the learning of Torah, is equated to all of the mitzvahs put together. Yet we are taught here that the effect of personal prayer, talking to Hashem with sincerity in one's own words, is seven times greater than even that. And there are many other Torah passages throughout Torah literature and Torah commentaries that Bezrat Hashem over time we will have the opportunity to explore together, highlighting the importance of personal prayer with Hashem. 
For many people, talking to Hashem in one's own words, especially for longer periods, can be difficult. Of course, the more one grows in one's emunah, the easier that becomes, because one doesn't anymore feel like one is talking to a wall. It can be very difficult to talk to Hashem when one doesn't really believe and feel that He is listening. And our sincerity, dedication, and motivation to talk to Hashem will very much depend on the degree of our belief; not only that He exists and is running the show, but that He is actually listening to every word that I utter, even though I do not hear any response. As we grow in our emunah journey and we try to internalize the belief that Hashem is present and listening to every single thing that I utter, if we stop for a moment and internalize that thought, it will quickly become apparently obvious that we should, ideally, be dedicating a lot of time to talking to Hashem, because why would we go to an alternative address? Nevertheless, after all is said and done, talking to Hashem can be a difficult endeavor, because even though we might be trying to believe that He is listening to us, we nevertheless don't hear a response, and much of the time, perhaps, don't see nor experience any fruits to the prayers we might have made, and therefore it can be very difficult to be motivated to talk to Hashem in our own words. 
"Hashem, I know that You are listening to me, but it's also so difficult to be motivated to talk to You in a serious and sincere manner, for longer periods especially, because I don't hear Your responses, and You are not like another human being where I can see You and hear You. I do believe, and I want to believe more, that You are listening to me, but it is also difficult to internalize that belief. Hashem, I'm asking You to guide me to the things that will motivate me to not only grow in my emunah and belief in You, but also take it to the next level, to apply that belief in a practical way, and be sincerely dedicated in talking to You in a serious and sincere way."

379 - Changed Your Mind?

Hashem runs the world exclusively, He does not need my help. Nevertheless, I have a commandment to perform the mitzvah of Hishtadlus, to make my own personal effort, although this might seem like an apparent contradiction. As discussed many times, if this is what Hashem commanded us, this is what we do. And the best advice of how to find out what our personal requirement should be, in terms of how much Hishtadlus we ought to make, is to talk to Hashem in our own personal words and ask Him for clarity and guidance.
There is a well-known story told about Rav Chaim Volazhinne, the main student of the Vilna Gaon. In times of old, it was a form of medicine and healing to place leeches over one's body. Rav Chaim Volazhinne was once seen with leeches placed over his body, and whilst wearing the leeches, he attended a Torah class by the Vilna Gaon, where one of the concepts that was discussed was how Hashem exclusively runs the world and if one internalizes this emunah, that Hashem exclusively runs every single detail in the world and doesn't need our help and Hishtadlus, then sometimes, if we have truly internalized this belief, we might be absolved from our obligation to perform Hishtadlus. And Rav Chaim Volazhinne was so inspired by hearing these words, that although he actually needed these leeches on his body for his health, he then and there decided to remove the leeches from his body, because he now felt no need to show a display of what might seem to be helping Hashem, because he had internalized with absolute clarity that Hashem exclusively is the one controlling every single detail about our health and He doesn't actually need our Hishtadlus. And at that point, because his emunah was so strong, he was now absolved of his obligation to make efforts about his health in this way. And later on, during the same day, Rav Chaim Volazhinne was seen wearing the leeches again and when asked, "didn't you mention earlier that you don't need those leeches anymore, because it was so clear and vivid to you that Hashem runs the world exclusively after we heard those words from the Vilna Gaon? So why are you wearing the leeches again?" And Rav Chaim replied, "earlier on, I was feeling so inspired by the words of the Vilna Gaon that Hashem exclusively runs every single detail in the world, it actually felt like a super absurdity for me to try and make any effort in an endeavor and pursuit of my health. However, now, a few hours later, I do not feel that same inspiration and clarity and although, of course, I know that Hashem runs the world exclusively, I nevertheless do not have that same level of absolute clarity of Ein Od Milvado that I achieved earlier today. And right now, I feel that I am not absolved of the mitzvah of Hishtadlus." 
To find the exact line in all the areas of our lives is so difficult. We are so privileged to be able to reach out to the One who created us. "Hashem, You are my personal Father, and You can give me my correct perspective. Please Hashem, show me the exact path that would be the ideal course for me to follow in my life."