231 - Bulletproof Confidence

We've been discussing the three types of emunah that the Torah commentaries bring. The first one, our life's work that we are most familiar with - making our maximum effort to take the emunah and bitachon that we've learnt about and trying to transform that to truly living our lives according to their values. The second type that we discussed was emunas chachamim - believing in the words of the sages, not just based on our understanding, but also appreciating that because of their holiness and closeness in their relationship to Hashem, Hashem has commanded us to follow their guidance. And again, just like when it comes to emunah and Hashem Himself, we don't do so because we understand, but rather we follow Hashem based on our emunah - our belief, similarly, when it comes to emunas chachamim, we are called on to build our emunah in the words of the sages. 

When we read a section of the Torah, of the Gemara, of the Shulchan Aruch and the like, our job is to build our emunah, that just like we would be so inspired and motivated if Hashem would tell us that information Himself, in a sense this is the same thing when we read these passages, because the oral tradition was given to Moshe Rabbeinu by Hashem, and just like at the giving of the Torah, we know that Hashem Himself revealed Himself to the Jewish people for the first two of the Ten Commandments, but because the experience was so overwhelming, the Jewish people requested that the rest should be transmitted only to Moshe Rabbeinu, who would then relay the information to them. Perhaps this is one reason why Hashem doesn't reveal Himself to every one of us in an obviously revealed manner the same way that He did to Moshe Rabbeinu, and there may be many other reasons, but the bottom line is that the words of the sages come directly from Hashem, and our job is to build our emunah chachamim.

And the third type of emunah that the Torah commentaries bring is emunah in oneself - belief in oneself. And as we discussed, self-confidence can come from two different places. When self-confidence comes from the place of, "I am able to do this", and I forget to bring Hashem into the picture, although if I have certain strategies, I might be able to portray or feel what people usually refer to as self-confidence, however in truth, this is certainly not something that we should aim at. The true self-confidence - emunah in ourselves, that we should be aiming at, is again an extension of emunah in Hashem. If I believe in Hashem, and Hashem believes in me, then certainly I should believe in myself. And therefore whatever opportunities Hashem has presented me in my life, whatever abilities He might have given me, after praying to Hashem and asking Him to help me in my endeavor, I should certainly feel confident that I can do it. 

"Hashem my Father, thank You so much for teaching me this incredible Torah teaching about how important it is to believe in myself. Because the truth is, Hashem, that if You believe in me, I have no right not to believe in myself. Hashem, sometimes I say to myself, what is my Torah learning even worth? I barely have a background in Torah learning. I struggle so much with basic Torah learning, whereas there are so many people that have had so much more exposure than me, and their Torah learning is at a level much higher than mine. Hashem, please help me to remove these terrible thoughts from my heart and mind. 

Because Hashem, if You believe in me, and You've told me that there is a mitzvah to learn Torah, and that's applicable to everyone, just like I believe in You whether I understand it or not, I also believe that if You commanded me to learn Torah, regardless of how much value I might feel that may have, I don't want to do things because of my understanding; I want to do it because of emunah. Please Hashem, help me to believe in myself, that even if I am able to read just a few passages from Torah literature in English on a daily basis, that I should treat that time with absolute highest priority, and realize that like the Gemara teaches, "bishvili nivra haolam" - the entire world was created just for me. And when I go ahead and learn Torah in those few moments, that is the core reason that You created the entire world for, including everything encompassed within it. 

Hashem, at times it is difficult for me to feel confident to go ahead with the ideas that I have in myself, of what I believe I can contribute to the world. Please Hashem, help me always, first and foremostly, to reach out to You and not fall in the trap of looking at other addresses to try to find my self-confidence, but rather always coming to You and begging You for help and success. And after I have done so, Hashem, please help me to be so confident, because if You believe in me, I have every reason in the world to believe in myself."