207 - The Unbreakable

We've been discussing one of the tremendous fringe benefits of living a life of emunah and bitachon, that not only do we thereby gain the highest place that we can for ourselves in the next world, which is ultimately the purpose of being alive, but additionally, the quality of our lives can be transformed completely when we choose to live a life of true emunah and true bitachon. Because again, if I believe that I am slave to my circumstances or people around me that might be more powerful - perhaps I might be dependent on them in one way or another, then, when my situation seems to be quite dire, and this individual, who has always been the one to help me, might have had a change of heart, or perhaps the army, that I might have always relied on to be unshakable and unbreakable, had a huge breach in an unthinkable way, if I forget to bring Hashem into the picture, it is very easy to fall into feelings of hopelessness, sadness, and depression. 

And similarly, if I have been married for numerous years and always dreamed, hoped, and prayed for the opportunity to be able to mother a family, but for whatever reason, Hashem has not blessed me with children, of course we are allowed to feel our feelings of pain. And in fact, the halacha is that when a close family member dies, we are supposed to mourn. However, the halacha also dictates that after the period of mourning, we are supposed to make our maximum effort to continue with the happy and vibrant lives that we have the opportunity to live, and if I as a mother have not been blessed with children, if I do not have it loud and clear in my heart and mind that Hashem is absolutely in control of every intricate detail in every single one of our lives, it might be quite easy to fall into a depression and feelings of hopelessness. It seems unfair. Why is it that so many around me, with barely any effort, perhaps they didn't even pray for it, but they had the privilege of mothering many children, and me, after many hours of prayer, it seems to be that Hashem is not listening to me. Does that seem fair? 

As we've discussed many times, there are many levels to what it means to live a life of emunah and bitachon. And of course, the highest levels would dictate that a person is happy to the point of singing and dancing throughout their lives, regardless of what might be transpiring, because they are so clear that everything that is happening during their lives is completely and exclusively ordained by Hashem. However, we are not expected to be more than we can be. All Hashem does expect from us is to make our maximum effort to be the best that we can. And every day we have the opportunity to grow a little bit more, in relying a little bit more on Hashem, and moving more towards the direction of feelings of calm and happiness, regardless of my circumstances.

"Hashem, my Father, I am reaching out to You because of this terminal illness that You have diagnosed upon me. My instinctive response, Hashem, is to feel feelings of panic and anxiety. Hashem, please help me not to panic, and to truly internalize that I am not dependent on the doctors nor on the medication. Hashem, just like You brought this illness upon me, in a flash You could take it away, even if statistics have predicted otherwise. Because I know, Hashem, that You are not bound by the normal laws of nature, but rather You are the one who creates nature every single moment. And if You would decide to make me better, You could do so in an instant. And therefore, Hashem, I am begging You, please will You heal me. 

However, perhaps even more importantly, Hashem, I am begging You to help me to remain in a state of true emunah and bitachon, that regardless of what I am going through, please, Hashem, help me to truly internalize that it is exclusively coming from You. Although You have given me a mitzvah to make a practical effort at times to see doctors and medication, however, please, Hashem, help me not to fall into the trap of believing that that is what is helping me. Thank You, Hashem, for giving me the opportunity to work towards a life of true happiness."