181 - Bitachon (Part-7)

We've been learning about the tremendous importance of the mitzvah to rely on Hashem - to practice our bitachon. As we've learned, the Torah commentaries write that it is a great sin to not live a life of bitachon. And when one chooses not to rely on Hashem, but rather fear other individuals and circumstances, not only does one now not have the special protection that bitachon provides, but one actually brings about those troubles that they are fearing from coming about.

Life is full of challenges and situations that trigger us to feel feelings of fear and anxiety potentially. When we live lives of bitachon, we are able to feel calm, even when the greatest challenge might be presenting itself. I remind myself, who is looking after me. As the Vilna Gaon writes, Just like a baby nursing from its mother does not have a worry in the world, because it has everything it needs and it knows it will never go hungry, in the same way, Hashem is taking care of all of our needs, those that have already arisen and those that might arise in the future. 

It is not difficult to see the tremendous emphasis that the Torah commentaries place on the importance of living a life of bitachon. But one might say, "I would love to live a life of bitachon and already be there, but the truth is that I don't feel that reliance on Hashem, so how do I get there?" And as always, the solution to all problems is to talk to Hashem about what I need. Every single one of us has the constant opportunity to talk to Hashem about anything and everything, whenever we want. And if we truly are seeing it as our life's mission to grow in our emunah and bitachon, it is vital that we dedicate time to make an effort and give us a space to talk to Hashem and ask Him to help us to grow in our bitachon. 

"Hashem my Father, You are well aware of what just transpired, that just yesterday I lost my job, and the truth of the matter is that I currently don't have a backup plan. I don't know where to from here. I have people that are dependent on me, and without the salary that I was receiving, I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do in the coming months. My natural tendency, Hashem, is that I am petrified. I know that the consequences of this could be devastating, and Hashem, if I don't remind myself to internalize the values of bitachon, I know that I'm going to get tremendously fearful, anxious, depressed, and many other negative feelings. 

But You have taught us that You ultimately run every single detail in our lives, and I've been making an effort to try to grow in my emunah, as well as taking those principles and applying them practically. Hashem, I don't want to rely on any other individual, nor any other circumstance. Help me to internalize the true perspective. My ex-boss was never paying my salary. You Hashem exclusively were always paying my salary, giving me the money that I need. And although until this moment You decided that the way You would like to give me my sustenance is via my ex-boss, the only thing that has changed now is that the method of You delivering my sustenance to me is going to change.

If I am God forbid to think that I am in the hands of my ex-boss, there is so much to fear, because there is no way I am getting this job again. And the truth of the matter is that I don't have an alternative right now, and I don't know where to from here. Please help me not to be fearful, but rather to rely on You. Of course I am going to make an effort to try to find alternatives, to fulfill the mitzvah and my obligation of hishtadlus - to make an effort. But to feel feelings of fear and anxiety is in essence coming from a place of me not having true bitachon, because Hashem, if I know that You are my exclusive provider, You have many ways to provide for me. Thank You so much, Hashem, for giving me the opportunity to talk to You, the King of Kings, the Master of the Universe, in personal conversation, intimately, whenever I choose to."