160 - Yom Kippur

"Master of the Universe, thank you so much for bringing me to this most incredible day, Erev Yom Kippur. Today is a tremendously happy day because I am about to be cleansed from any and all of my sins, b'ezrat Hashem, and that is a tremendous cause for celebration. The way you have designed this world, Hashem, is that when I do transgress, those sins cause a barrier in our relationship. And therefore it's such a joyful time, the happiest day of the year, where we're going to come back to be so close and intimate together, the greatest pleasure that can exist, both in this world and also the reward that will be received for this in the next world. 

Hashem, please help me to internalize the emunah of what the Gemara says, that there is a mitzvah to eat and drink today, and by doing so, it's as if I've fasted today in addition to tomorrow, Yom Kippur. I'm eating the food now today, as you've instructed us by your halacha, so that I should have the energy to be able to fast over Yom Kippur. And you have also taught us via your Torah commentaries that we are eating now because we are delighted, celebrating that we are coming to this tremendously holy day where you forgive us for our sins and therefore the eating and drinking today is in place of the festive meal that would have been eaten on Yom Kippur itself, the happiest day of the year. 

However, Master of the Universe, a huge part of the forgiveness that is granted over Yom Kippur includes us playing our role in doing sincere teshuva, begging you for forgiveness for our sins and doing our best to commit about the future. And I am concerned, Hashem, I don't know how much concentration I am going to be able to have, especially because I'm going to be fasting and sometimes the prayers take quite a long time and it's difficult for me to focus on the words and mean what I'm saying. Please, Hashem, I'm asking you now to help me to do a sincere teshuva. Help me, Hashem, to be able to perform the mitzvah of teshuva with tremendous simcha, with tremendous joy, just like all your other mitzvahs that I'm supposed to perform with joy, so too the mitzvah of repentance, it is your will that I repent with tremendous joy and enthusiasm. 

Hashem, I'm so sorry for all the times that I was jealous of other individuals. Hashem, I'm so sorry for all the times that I caused another individual pain, willingly or even unwillingly sometimes."

Immediately after Yom Kippur, after we dance Leshana Habaa Birushalayim, we immediately start with the prayer of Maariv, which starts with the words Vehu Rachum Yechaper Avon - may Hashem forgive our sins. And as famously asked, what sins do we have? We've just been forgiven for all of our sins. And as famously answered, the sin that we have just committed that we are now asking to be forgiven for is that we didn't fully believe that we were forgiven for our sins. That is a sin. If Hashem teaches us in His Torah sources that we are forgiven completely on Yom Kippur for our averes, we need to internalize that belief and we come out with a clean slate.

"Master of the Universe, please help me to internalize the truth of this holy day that You sincerely are forgiving me for anything I might have done against Your will. I am going to do my best and I'm asking You to help me to please do my best to repent in the right way, to make new commitments about the future, that I can be better, that I can do less averes and more mitzvahs, and I will do my best to specify to You how I can improve. Please Hashem, help me to be able to connect with You through this Yom Kippur.

Please help me, Hashem, to internalize and remember that there is always a space for anyone and everyone to repent. It doesn't matter what has been done and it is never ever too late to remember the greatest transgression of all is when we don't allow ourselves a space to repent, but we think that all is lost. There is never a place where repentance cannot help. mMay we all merit a Gemar Chassima Tova and be written and sealed for a happy and healthy year with all the blessings in the world. Leshana Habaa Birushalayim."