TRANSFORM YOUR EMUNAH!

303 - Parnassah (Part-4)

A fundamental belief in the history of the Jewish people is that after the exodus from Egypt, when the Jewish people encamped in the desert, the way that they received their sustenance was by HaShem raining down the special heavenly food, the mann. When the Jewish people were in the desert, it was absolutely clear to them that their sole provider was HaShem. According to many Torah commentaries, there is a daily mitzvah to recite the Torah portion which describes how the mann fell daily for the Jewish people. And as the Mishna Berura in the first chapter of the Shulchan Aruch explains, that the reason for this is to instill in us the belief that it is not our own efforts that bring us our provisions, rather it is HaShem who provides for us exclusively. 
Although HaShem has decided that in our day and age we do not have this open miracle of our food falling down from the heaven, however it is important for us to take the message of the mann to heart; just like HaShem was the one who provided for the Jewish people in an openly miraculous way by bringing down the mann from the heavens for them during their journey in the desert, so too, HaShem is our exclusive provider. Although the form that He gives us our food in, in today's day and age, appears to be different, where in the past it was apparently obvious that HaShem was giving us the food, whereas today HaShem gives us our food in a roundabout way, such as a person going to work, earning a salary and then using that money to go to the store and buy their provisions, although to us it seems like a whole different process and for whatever reason in HaShem's calculations, this is the right way for the world to operate - it is the same HaShem that provides for us today to the same degree that HaShem provided for us then, with the mann that fell from the heavens. 
We can therefore understand why it is a mitzvah to recite the Torah portion about the mann, and as the Mishna Berura points out, although reciting the passage itself is a mitzvah, the main purpose behind reciting the passage is internalizing the message that HaShem is our sole provider. It is not our wisdom; it is not the boss; it is not the business; it is not our efforts. Although we might have a mitzvah to do hishtadlus - to make our own efforts, it is so important for us to remember what the Mesillas Yesharim and many others teach - that our efforts do not affect the amount of sustenance we will have even slightly. One might feel, if I work harder, then I will make more money. Yes, in terms of the obligation to fulfill the mitzvah of hishtadlus, one is obligated to work hard, and there are many levels to this which we are not going to go into right now. 
One who is interested in pursuing this topic further is invited to see our eight-part course on hishtadlus. However, for our purposes, what is so vital to remember is that whatever efforts we might be making has absolutely no connection to the results we are trying to achieve and to the provisions we are trying to bring in. Again, if Hashem runs the world exclusively, can He not bring me my sustenance without me having to make an effort? And the answer is, of course He can. One of the reasons that Hashem instructs us to make our own efforts - to perform hishtadlus, is to give us the opportunity to believe, where on the one hand, we have a mitzvah to make our own practical efforts to do whatever we can to be successful, but on the other hand, to be constantly vigilant that our thoughts never take us to a place that we believe we are our sole providers.
Even if we are to believe that Hashem helps us 90%, but it is just our little bit that helps Hashem on to give us what we need, that is completely incorrect, because - ein od milvado - means that Hashem runs my life exclusively and provides for me 100%, not 99.9%. And as we read in the principles of faith of the Rambam, "v'hu levado", that Hashem alone, exclusively, pulled every string of my life in the past, is currently orchestrating every detail of my life in the present, and is the One who will dictate the exact and precise course of my life in the future.

302 - Parnassah (Part-3)

One of the great classic works, the Sefer HaChinuch, writes that anyone who recites the Birkas Hamazon, the grace after meals, with concentration will not lack in their sustenance. As we've discussed many times, an extension of our belief in Hashem is to believe in the Torah and what the Torah commentaries teach us, which is really an extension of Hashem's word. Of course, the main reason that we should perform the mitzvah of Birkas Hamazon is because Hashem commanded us to do so and we thank Him for the food that He's provided us. However, the Sefer HaChinuch is teaching us that somebody who recites Birkas Hamazon with intention and meaning and concentration will not lack in their sustenance. One of the great halachic commentaries, the Bach, brings down a Torah teaching that if we look at the entire text of the Birkas Hamazon, we will not find even a single time the letter Pei Soifis, the final Pei. And the reason for that, he brings, is because somebody who is careful with the mitzvah of Birkas Hamazon will never be able to be at the hands of the destructive angels known as Af and other names which end in the Pei Sofit letter.
Reciting the Birkas Hamazon with intention has many benefits. Foremostly, we are fulfilling Hashem's commandment. We are thanking Hashem for the food that He has given us. And fulfilling this mitzvah with extra intention is particularly conducive to financial success. And in the same way, the destructive angels which sometimes have the power to bring suffering on us will have no jurisdiction over us and our happenings. There is a famous story recounted about Rav Meir Shapiro, the founder of the Daf Yomi, who once came to a group of students and taught them this teaching that anybody who recites the Birkas Hamazon with concentration will never be under the jurisdiction of the destructive forces and will also have financial success. One of the students who heard this teaching really took it to heart with real sincerity and decided that from this moment on, he was going to recite the Grace After Meals with tremendous concentration every single time. 
When the times of the Holocaust struck, it just so happened that this individual was placed to be the cook in his camp. And he already realized the bracha that Hashem was sending him even during these trying times. Hashem was showing that he was always going to have his sustenance by his side because of his devotion to this mitzvah of Birkas Hamazon. It once happened that one of the Nazi officials, Yemach Shemam, came over and noticed that this Jew was in very good shape because he always had food accessible to him. And because of his hatred to the Jewish people, he chased him out of the kitchen and he said you will no longer be the cook here. And in fact, he threatened him and said, I give you four hours to dig me a pit of a huge size, which was an impossible feat. And if you don't do so, he threatened him, I will kill you at the end of the four hours. And then the Nazi officer stormed away. During these hours, the individual turned up to Hashem and he said, “Hashem, you know that I've always been careful with my mitzvah. Please will you come through for me in one way or another?” 
And at some point there was a truck of soldiers who passed by. And because they noticed that he was a Jew, they all took out pieces of fruit and threw them at him. And soon after that, a different truck approached. But this time it was full of officers who were so particularly hungry. And because this individual was surrounded by a whole lot of fruit, they assumed that he must be a soldier and wasn't a Jew. And because these soldiers were so hungry, they asked him if they could have some of the fruit around him. And he said, I will give you all of the fruit as long as you come out with your equipment and dig me a pit. And within those four hours, he had his pit dug. When the Nazi officer returned, he said, you Jews always have a way to somehow come through. We do not understand Hashem's ways. But if Hashem has taught us that the mitzvah of Birkas HaMazon is extremely important and reciting it with devotion will bring about abundant blessing, it is certainly worth our while to believe Him.

301 - Parnassah (Part-2)

The Shulchan Aruch codifies a statement from the Gemara which says that if one performs the mitzvah of netilas yadayim, washing one's hands for bread in the correct manner according to the prescribed laws, as well as being extra generous to use water in an abundant way when they wash their hands, one will be blessed with wealth. And in another law, the Shulchan Aruch codifies that if somebody undermines and degrades the mitzvah of washing for bread, they will receive serious punishment and consequences for their actions, namely that they will a) Considered to have been excommunicated, b) They will come to poverty, and c) They will be uprooted from the world. 
Now, according to our basic human logic and intuition, one would not have considered the mitzvah of netilas yadayim, washing for bread, to have been so important in our own eyes. Of course, if Hashem says I should perform it, I will, but one would never have expected without having learnt the statements made by the sages about washing for bread that have such tremendous consequences, both for the negative as well as for the positive. Again, our approach when performing mitzvos needs to be we do them because we believe Hashem has instructed us to do so. If we follow our own logic and understanding, we might consider this to be a minor mitzvah and therefore may not be as serious in the way we deal with all its intricacies and details, whereas if we perform this mitzvah for the sole reason that Hashem commanded us to and we believe Him that if He said this is important we will do so, we will have a whole different perspective in our commitment to this mitzvah.
It is so important when it comes to all mitzvos for us to perform them just because Hashem said so and not because of our understanding. The Rambam writes that when it comes to Torah learning, we have a mitzvah to try to understand as much as we can. That is the mitzvah that Hashem wants us to try our best to understand. However, after all is said and done, we have to realize and internalize that we ultimately have no understanding whatsoever in Hashem's calculations for His mitzvos. It very well could be that something which seems like an insignificant and small detail to a certain mitzvah could be one of the highest and most potent and sensitive cords in our spiritual connection to Hashem or in the connection of the spiritual worlds to this world. We are so privileged that Hashem has blessed us to be able to have a guideline, a book which outlines His perspective to all of these principles.
And besides for the fact that we are supposed to treat the mitzvah of washing our hands for bread with paramount importance, we are also being taught that as a fringe benefit, one who performs this mitzvah in the right way with all its intricacies and pours water in a generous manner to make sure that they've done the mitzvah in the most perfect way will be blessed with wealth. Now again, one might say, “I made sure to learn the laws perfectly and I performed the mitzvah in the most impeccable way, and at the same time, I'm still suffering from poverty. How can that be?” With Emunah, I have no need for questions. Without Emunah, there are no answers. If Hashem tells me that this mitzvah is conducive to financial success, there is no doubt about that. The fact that in certain situations a person may have performed the mitzvah and nevertheless not experienced financial success, the commentaries point out that could be because of ulterior reasons such as a person sinned in a different area, and because of that sin, this wealth and financial success is now prevented from coming to fruition, or many other reasons that could be beyond our human understanding. What a privilege we have to perform so many mitzvos on a constant basis and thereby follow Hashem's guidelines to how to live our lives.

300 - Parnassah (Part-1)

The level of our belief in Hashem and His Torah and the guidelines that follow will make a big difference in how serious we are when it comes to following the advice that is given to us. Torah literature outlines numerous ideas that are conducive to financial success. We know that one of the fringe benefits of giving charity is that that act itself is conducive to one's own financial success on a spiritual level. If the Torah tells us that giving charity is going to be conducive to the success of our financial endeavors, there is no question in the world that that is the truth. Whether we see it or we don't, whether we understand it or we don't, we believe Hashem's perspective. If one is trying to catch out Hashem, it is very easy to find an excuse to do so.
There could be many reasons why a person who gave charity nevertheless does not experience wealth. One never knows the heavenly calculations. Maybe this individual was destined to go into tremendous poverty and now they are not in tremendous poverty but they don't have tremendous wealth. For their situation, this is actually considered tremendously wealthy. There could be many other reasons that are beyond our understanding but are of course calculated with absolute precision in Hashem's books. This fundamental principle is applicable to the performance of all of the mitzvahs that we do and all forms of our service to Hashem. 
If we are humble enough to realize that Hashem is so much greater than anything that we can imagine, completely incomparable to anything that we are and anything that our minds can comprehend, we certainly will be wise enough to stay out of Hashem's calculations of why certain things happen and rather perform our mitzvahs and service to Hashem based on the fact that we believe we have emunah in Hashem. 
Another endeavor which is conducive to our financial success, as outlined by the Torah commentaries in the name of the Gemara Yerushalmi, is for a person to recite the Torah passage about the mann every day. The passage about the man discusses the episode in times of old where food would fall from heaven to the Jewish people. The Torah commentaries point out that the main idea behind the recitation of the parashas Hamann is not the recitation itself, even though that is also important. But the main idea is internalizing the message of what one is reading. 
The message of the mann is very clear. Hashem exclusively provided food for the Jewish people. It might be that in today's day and age we don't witness the man falling from heaven at our doorstep. However, the Torah commentaries are highlighting to us that the principle is the same, even though we might have to go to work and we might experience the way we receive our sustenance in a different way, however, in essence, our sustenance comes exclusively from Hashem, and when one is able to internalize that mode of thought, that itself is conducive for financial success. Be it giving tzedakah or be it reciting the section of the man. Ultimately, all of these ideas branch out from the underlying foundation of emunah. If I believe in Hashem, I will certainly choose to follow His guidelines and His advice.

299 - Simcha (Part-12)

We've been discussing the tremendous opportunity that every single one of us has to perform the great mitzvah of giving somebody a smile. And as the Gemara in Kesubos, page 111b states, that a person who smiles at his fellow is better than one who gives him milk, and as mentioned, although we certainly are encouraged to invest both in terms of our time, energy and money to perform all of the mitzvos, because what is anything worth in this world compared to the eternal value of a mitzvah, however, some mitzvos are so easy to fulfill both in terms of our time, energy and financial investment that they are available to us constantly throughout the day, every day. 
Smiling at another individual is a huge mitzvah that is available to us constantly. Many a time, just giving a smile to somebody else can turn around their day from feelings of hopelessness and anxiety to just that little bit more upbeat. One of the reasons that it is such a big mitzvah to smile and bring happiness to another individual is because as Torah commentaries teach, when one is in a happy state, we are much, much more productive and able to excel in our endeavors, both with regards to the day-to-day activities that we might need to perform, and in particular with regards to excelling in our spiritual endeavors. When one is not feeling upbeat and happy, it is much more difficult to reach out to Hashem and talk to Him, to learn Torah, to perform an act of kindness and the like, whereas when one is feeling happy and in a good space, much of the time there is much more feeling of motivation to do good. With just a little bit of an effort to give somebody a sincere smile, one can change the day and the life of an individual who is experiencing loneliness, depression, anxiety from whatever challenges they might be going through.
The Gemara in Taanis 22a records the following episode and states, Rabbi Beroka often spent time in the marketplace and Elijah the prophet - Eliyahu Hanavi, would appear to him. Once Rabbi Beroka said to Eliyahu Hanavi, "Of all the people who come here, is there anyone worthy of the world to come?" And as the commentary of the Torah Chaim to Sanhedrin 88b explains, that although the overwhelming majority of people do have a portion in the world to come, however for many people there is first a need for suffering in this world and to experience some suffering in Gehinnom in the next world to first cleanse their soul. And what Rabbi Beroka was asking Eliyahu Hanavi was, "is there anybody in this marketplace that is on such a high level that they are immediately worthy right now of the world to come without needing prior suffering neither in this world nor in the next world before earning their eternal share?" And the Gemara continues that Eliyahu Hanavi pointed to two individuals and said to Rabbi Beroka, "These two individuals are currently worthy of the world to come." Rabbi Beroka then went over to them and inquired, "What is your occupation?" They said to him, "We are jesters and we cheer up the depressed." 
Let us internalize what Hashem's perspective, the only true perspective is. Although at times it might not seem like such a super mitzvah to make an effort to make other people happy, however in this Gemara we are learning that out of all the people in the marketplace, many of whom may have been involved in great and holy endeavors, there were only two who were on such a high level that they were ready for the next world without a need for any cleansing. And these were two people who were constantly involved in cheering people up, in making people happy. Each one of us is presented with many opportunities in different forms to help others and bring happiness into other people's lives. Let us internalize that whatever efforts we might be able to do to bring happiness to those around us is a huge mitzvah.

298 - Simcha (Part-11)

We've been discussing what the Torah commentaries teach with regards to the tremendous benefit of living a life of happiness. And as pointed out by the Vilna Gaon to Mishlei, chapter 18, verse 14, as well as other Torah commentaries, when one is in a happy state, even when illness strikes, God forbid, one will come out of that illness due to the state of one's happiness.
And as we've been discussing, much of the time, feeling feelings of happiness as opposed to anxiety is an extension of living a life of emunah and bitachon. Because the more I believe that I am in Hashem's hands exclusively and there is nothing to worry about because He is in absolute control and He only does what is best for me, the more I will feel feelings of calm, serenity, peace and tranquility. Because if I am learning about emunah, although I might know that in truth I am immune to circumstance and other individuals, but to truly internalize that knowledge is our life's work, as we've discussed many times. And as mentioned, we are only called on to make a little bit more effort each day to try and grow more and more to living a life of true emunah and bitachon, which will lead to a life of true happiness. 
The Gemara in Kesubos, page 111b, states that a person who smiles at his fellow is better than one who gives him milk. Imagine for a moment that someone were to go around giving people free milk every day. That would certainly be a notably commendable act. Whereas when someone walks around just smiling at those around them, instinctively it doesn't appear to us like such a commendable act. From Hashem's vantage point, smiling at people is considered even greater than going around and giving people milk.
We've discussed previously how to internalize the concept of what it means to go to the next world, to Olam Haba, in comparison to this world. There's a famous analogy offered by Torah commentaries. Imagine you have a large stadium filled to the top with sand, and every 1,000 years a little bird comes and removes just one grain of sand. Let us try conceptualize how long it will take to empty out the stadium. This is not a number that can fit on the calculator, it is so big. When we compare 120 years of living in this world to what it means to live for eternity, our lives in this world is not even like one grain of sand in that stadium.
Certainly then, when it comes to the opportunity to performing a mitzvah, even though we might have to invest financially in terms of our time or in other areas, in order to be able to perform this mitzvah, one with the right perspective will certainly be prepared to do so, because again, what is the point of all the money or all the time in this world compared to the eternal reward and blessing of one mitzvah in the next world? However, after all is said and done, we do have to choose into where we're going to invest, both in terms of our time, our money, and the like, because as human beings we are limited. For many mitzvos, there might be a great time investment, as well as it might cost a lot of money to have the opportunity to perform them. And although we are certainly encouraged to do so, as mentioned, we are limited and won't be able to do that on a constant basis.
Whereas there are some mitzvos, such as giving somebody a smile, which is so easy, doesn't cost anything, and nevertheless the Gemara is teaching us that giving somebody a smile is more of a mitzvah than giving him milk, taking the time and investing the money to bring him his supplies. We are certainly encouraged to help out in all areas, even when we do have to invest time and financially. However, it is motivating to internalize that each one of us has the constant opportunity to perform a huge mitzvah many times a day, just by giving somebody a smile.

297 - Simcha (Part-10)

We've been discussing how Emunah and Bitachon is something available to every single one of us. It's tremendously encouraging to take to heart what the many Torah sources teach us, that Emunah and Bitachon are completely independent of our actions. And although we are certainly called on to do our best to avoid sin and do as many mitzvos as we can, nevertheless the opportunity to have Bitachon and rely on Hashem is completely independent of our scorecard. 
Sometimes the evil inclination makes us feel that only when we are thriving spiritually, then we have a license to talk to Hashem to help us succeed in all areas of our lives. But as we've learned many times, that is not the case. The opportunity to rely on Hashem is available to every single one of us, regardless of our actions. And as the Ramban, Rabbeinu Yona, Rav Tzaddok HaKohen, and other Torah commentaries point out, that even a thief who certainly knows he's doing the wrong thing by making an effort to go and steal from another individual, if he stops for a moment and chooses to rely on Hashem to some degree, Hashem will help him in his endeavors.  The power of Emunah and Bitachon is beyond imagination, and it is so important to realize that it is available to every single one of us. And therefore, we all are called on to make use of this tremendous gift that Hashem has given us.
We've been discussing how the more Emunah and Bitachon we bring into our lives, the more feelings of calm, serenity, and happiness we will feel. Torah commentaries teach that at face value, there are more times of challenge and difficulty that we all experience throughout our lives than times of calm, peace, and tranquility. And without an attitude and perspective of Emunah and Bitachon, much of the time we will instinctively fall into feelings of depression, anxiety, and worry. And again, although we are certainly not to feel feelings of guilt for having these emotions, because we are human and Hashem created us, seeing the right perspective helps us to aim in the right direction. 
If I am currently looking for a marriage partner, and the years are passing, and for whatever reason Hashem has not yet blessed me to find my marriage partner, without making a concentrated effort to moving towards living a life of true Emunah and Bitachon, which will lead to feelings of happiness and serenity, instinctively, this situation will cause feelings of anxiety, depression, and the like. Just taking one step towards a life of more Emunah and Bitachon can transform our lives to degrees beyond our imagination.
"Hashem, Master of the Universe, thank You so much for giving me the opportunity to talk to You. I know that truthfully, the only thing that can help me in my situation to feel more feelings of calm and less feelings of anxiety, is if I reach out to You. Because although I've learnt Your perspective and the real truth of the situation, that You Hashem are completely exclusively running the show, and if I have not yet found my marriage partner, that is because You have not yet sent him, and regardless of what efforts I might make, if You choose to not send him to me, there is no way I can find him, and at the same time, when You decide it is the time for me to find my marriage partner, there is no question that I will find my husband without even a second delay after the time that You have decreed, and if I am able to take this to heart, Hashem, there is no question that I will feel much less anxious about each moment that passes without finding my marriage partner.
At the same time, Hashem, much of the time, I am feeling tremendous feelings of anxiety and it is tremendously painful. Please Hashem, help me that You do send me my marriage partner as soon as possible. And additionally, Hashem, please help me that in the interim, until You do send me my marriage partner, that I remain in a place of true emunah and bitachon, and each day I grow more and more to living by Your perspective, that You are exclusively running the show, and thereby, Hashem, please help me each day to move more towards living a life of true happiness."

296 - Simcha (Part-9)

We've been discussing how when one lives a life of true emunah and bitachon, there are tremendous benefits to the quality of our lives. When circumstances present themselves that might instinctively lead towards feelings of anxiety and depression, the more we move towards a life of true reliance on Hashem, internalizing that no individual nor circumstance can contribute anything towards my life, because I have learned in the verse that ein od milvado - there is nothing else except for Hashem, and ultimately everything that transpires throughout my life and to the world at large is completely an expression of Hashem Himself personally orchestrating every single detail, and that being the case, knowing that Hashem only wants the best for mem and there is no individual nor circumstance that can even slightly impinge upon Hashem's plans, there is nothing to feel anxious and upset about. 
It is so important to highlight that when we learn these Torah passages, the objective is to realize that emunah is our life's work, and it's so important to encourage ourselves that even the slightest step that I might take is a true success story. Hashem expects from us to take the inspiration that we are learning and just become a little bit better each day. So if I am currently employed and financially comfortable, but my contract expires in a year's time from now, and I might have feelings of tremendous anxiety, perhaps sometimes having sleepless nights, or perhaps at other times going into long periods of depression and worry, I may not be expected to climb to such a level of emunah and bitachon, where I feel no feelings of anxiety; but perhaps if I am able to just take a few minutes to myself to try and contemplate on the fact that Hashem was the one who gave me this job opportunity in the first place, and just like before I found this opportunity, I had no idea what my future course was going to be and even though it appeared like I suddenly received this opportunity due to luck or due to my connections, I know that in truth, Hashem was pulling all of those strings, and He was the one who made the situation present itself as it did, and just like He provided for me then, He will not abandon me in a year's time. 
"Hashem, I am feeling tremendously anxious. I know that You are the one who has run my life up until now, and You are the one who gave me my current job opportunity. And even though in truth, Hashem, I am trying to work towards a place of internalizing, that You will always come through for me, and in a year's time when my contract expires, You will help me and provide for me with the next opportunity that You will send me, however, I am feeling tremendously anxious. Hashem, please help me to internalize that it is You exclusively who runs my life, and just like You came through for me previously, You will come through for me again." 
And although I am now called on to make a practical effort to try to find a new opportunity for the coming year, however, when I am able to internalize that my efforts are not what is going to provide me my opportunity, and even if I feel like I might have not found the right solution to my problem, but if I am able to internalize that only Hashem exclusively is the one who is able to find a solution to my problem, I might then be able to move towards a slightly less anxious life. As we have learned many times from Torah sources, emunah and bitachon is available to every single one of us. Hashem created us and has tailor-made all the details to my life to be best suited exactly for me. And regardless of my spiritual level, I have the constant opportunity to reach out to Hashem to help me for more emunah, for more bitachon, and for more simcha.

295 - Simcha (Part-8)

We've been discussing one of the tremendous fringe benefits of living a life of emunah and bitachon, that not only do we thereby gain the highest place that we can for ourselves in the next world, which is ultimately the purpose of being alive, but additionally, the quality of our lives can be transformed completely when we choose to live a life of true emunah and true bitachon. Because again, if I believe that I am slave to my circumstances or people around me that might be more powerful - perhaps I might be dependent on them in one way or another, then, when my situation seems to be quite dire, and this individual, who has always been the one to help me, might have had a change of heart, or perhaps the army, that I might have always relied on to be unshakable and unbreakable, had a huge breach in an unthinkable way, if I forget to bring Hashem into the picture, it is very easy to fall into feelings of hopelessness, sadness, and depression. 
And similarly, if I have been married for numerous years and always dreamed, hoped, and prayed for the opportunity to be able to mother a family, but for whatever reason, Hashem has not blessed me with children, of course we are allowed to feel our feelings of pain. And in fact, the halacha is that when a close family member dies, we are supposed to mourn. However, the halacha also dictates that after the period of mourning, we are supposed to make our maximum effort to continue with the happy and vibrant lives that we have the opportunity to live, and if I as a mother have not been blessed with children, if I do not have it loud and clear in my heart and mind that Hashem is absolutely in control of every intricate detail in every single one of our lives, it might be quite easy to fall into a depression and feelings of hopelessness. It seems unfair. Why is it that so many around me, with barely any effort, perhaps they didn't even pray for it, but they had the privilege of mothering many children, and me, after many hours of prayer, it seems to be that Hashem is not listening to me. Does that seem fair? 
As we've discussed many times, there are many levels to what it means to live a life of emunah and bitachon. And of course, the highest levels would dictate that a person is happy to the point of singing and dancing throughout their lives, regardless of what might be transpiring, because they are so clear that everything that is happening during their lives is completely and exclusively ordained by Hashem. However, we are not expected to be more than we can be. All Hashem does expect from us is to make our maximum effort to be the best that we can. And every day we have the opportunity to grow a little bit more, in relying a little bit more on Hashem, and moving more towards the direction of feelings of calm and happiness, regardless of my circumstances.
"Hashem, my Father, I am reaching out to You because of this terminal illness that You have diagnosed upon me. My instinctive response, Hashem, is to feel feelings of panic and anxiety. Hashem, please help me not to panic, and to truly internalize that I am not dependent on the doctors nor on the medication. Hashem, just like You brought this illness upon me, in a flash You could take it away, even if statistics have predicted otherwise. Because I know, Hashem, that You are not bound by the normal laws of nature, but rather You are the one who creates nature every single moment. And if You would decide to make me better, You could do so in an instant. And therefore, Hashem, I am begging You, please will You heal me. 
However, perhaps even more importantly, Hashem, I am begging You to help me to remain in a state of true emunah and bitachon, that regardless of what I am going through, please, Hashem, help me to truly internalize that it is exclusively coming from You. Although You have given me a mitzvah to make a practical effort at times to see doctors and medication, however, please, Hashem, help me not to fall into the trap of believing that that is what is helping me. Thank You, Hashem, for giving me the opportunity to work towards a life of true happiness."

294 - Simcha (Part-7)

Although the main benefit of living a life of Emunah and Bitachon is that we thereby are fulfilling our purpose in this world, which is ultimately for the sake of our reward in the next world, however, as discussed many times, one who lives with Emunah and Bitachon gains tremendous fringe benefits in terms of the quality of one's life in this world itself. Many Torah commentaries, such as the Vilna Gaon to Mishlei, chapter 18 verse 14, as well as the Metzudas David to Mishlei, chapter 17 verse 22, write that when an individual is always in a happy state, even when illness strikes, God forbid, that individual will come out of the sickness due to his state of happiness. Happiness is a cure for the body, whereas low spirits cause illness. 
Many Torah commentaries bring this idea on similar lines - that when we keep in a state of happiness, not only does that prevent us from falling to illness, but even if one is currently ill, being in a happy state might be one of the greatest medications that we might try and seek out. And again, when one is living a life without Bitachon, there is so much reason to feel feelings of fear, anxiety, and depression for many of the things that are transpiring. When one takes a look at the news and sees the tremendous suffering that so many are experiencing, without an attitude of Bitachon, one realizes how there is actually so much reason to feel anxious, depressed, and other bitter feelings. 
And similarly, with regards to my own life, if I don't have it loud and clear in my heart and mind that Hashem is running every minute detail in my life, there is so much reason to fall to depression and anxiety much of the time. Whereas, when I truly internalize that Hashem is exclusively pulling every single string in my life, and I internalize that Hashem is incomparably greater than any other being that exists in our human world, regardless of how much power they might seem to have, I am then able to move towards a life of complete calm and serenity and happiness. The more emunah and bitachon that we build in our lives, the more serene, calm, and happy we will feel. 
And as discussed, perhaps two of the main factors that can contribute to our growth in emunah and bitachon is firstly, to constantly expose ourselves to Torah study, and perhaps in particular, Torah inspiration about emunah and bitachon, because when doing so, we then learn Hashem's perspective and are able to contemplate on those ideas throughout our day; and secondly, we have the tremendous gift to reach out to Hashem about anything. And always, the solution to all problems that is available to every single one of us is the opportunity to ask Hashem, the Creator of the world and the One who guides each moment of our lives and everybody's lives, to help us in what we are trying to succeed in. 
"Hashem, please, can You help me to succeed in living a true life of emunah and bitachon. I know that this is ultimately the real reason that You created me for - to be close with You and experience my true reward in the next world. And as You've taught us by many Torah sources, the main way to do so is by me making efforts in growing in my emunah and bittachon. Hashem, please, can You help me to really grow and be sincere in living a life of reliance on You, and not relying on anybody else, nor anything else. 
And at the same time, Hashem, You've taught us that when one does live a life of emunah and bitachon, that will then lead to a life of true happiness. Because why should I worry about anything when I know that You are completely running every single moment and every single detail to my life, so what is there to worry about? Even if at times it might seem like the situation might be dire, however, I know, Hashem, that You exclusively are running the show and You will only do what is best for me. Please, Hashem, help me to truly internalize the values of emunah and bitachon, and thereby live a life of true happiness."